Dusk

In the chilly wisps of dusk

When you came to bid me goodbye

Instead of the other way round

And kept whispering cheerful nothings

While I stared at the ground

And grew more agitated, thinking

Of the words yet to be spoken

Of hugs yet to be shared

Of kisses yet to be stolen

Of smiles yet to be flashed

Of eateries I wanted to take you to

Of the things I wanted for you to buy

Of the grounds we had to stroll on

And the million other things we had to try

And not noticing that home was nearing

I didn’t hold your hand when I still could have

And kept asking you to turn back and go

When only you by my side I wanted to have

And at the time of parting

As you drew me in your embrace

When I actually wanted to melt

I instead put up a stone facade

But Love, had I not been foolish enough

To be angry at you having to go away

I would have held you tighter still
And for longer than I did that day.

SAE BAJA 2012

Presenting a photographic journey of my BAJA 2012 adventure in brief (a proper post to follow on later!)

SAE BAJA, an all India competition with over 200 engineering colleges designing and fabricating

an ALL TERRAIN VEHICLE, fighting it out in the dusts of Pithampur, near Indore (M.P).

And introducing the all girls team of mechanical enginners (IInd and IIIrd year), Team IGIT YANTRIKI, with their car ANDROMEDA, the winners of the prestigious CHAIRMAN'S AWARD!! ^_^

Here's to the BAJA girls (yes, me included :p) of Indira Gandhi Institute of Technology, Delhi!

Team no: 37; ANDROMEDA in all its majesty

ANDROMEDA, roaring ahead! Kudos to Team Captain and Driver: Anupama Madiyan, who brought ANDROMEDA from 63rd to 28th position in just 7 laps during the Endurance Run!

Testing ANDROMEDA on bricks and stairs and stones and what not!

IGIT YANTRIKI at AUTO EXPO 2012, Delhi :D

And here's the special one! CM Sheila Dikshit visiting IGIT to inaugarate ANDROMEDA!! How cool is that!

...and the CM's best wishes, securely bolted to our car later ;)

The team on the day of the CM's visit

Loading the car to Indore for the final battle!

At the site. Oh by the way, Polaris, IOCL and Jindal Steels sponsored us ;) High class, huh? ;)

Pushing the car to the pit, driving not allowed on walking tracks

Neat and clean, during the first two days of the event...

...caked with dust, on the third day, the day of the Endurance Run!

Roaring Girls, after winning the Chairman's Award!!! :D :D

And who said girls couldn't do it?? :D

They do it better, and come out WINNERS :D

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Retail Therapy-The Online Way

Until later, Cuidate!

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The More I Imagine The More I Know

I imagine touching the fabric of the universe

And I appreciate more the soil below my feet

I imagine hearing nature's mystic verse

And then I know the miracle of my own heart's beat

I imagine the vivid colours of a rainbow

And then I applaud a painter's show

I imagine my palms to be the source of snow

And then I know winter's stunning icy glow

I imagine myself in a good life ahead

With a lot of cash, a cottage, and a car

But then I know it won't come easy

And I prepare to work hard to go that far

I imagine being with the love of my life

And keeping all my friends very close

But when I wander alone most of the time

Then I know I've neglected more than I chose

When I imagine wrong being done to me

The more I know what compassion means

And then I imagine being in the shoes of others

Thus I understand how deeply they feel

And Einstein had once rightly said so

"Knowledge yes, but imagination is definitely the way to go"

And I agree, I don't know much physics though,

That the more I imagine, the more I know

Until later, Cuidate!

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Its A Virtual World!

First they said the world was flat.

Then they said the world was round.

Then they said it was a small world to be in.

And now I say, it's small enough to fit in a screen!

The following is a chat conversation between me and my bestestest friend forever, Mehr. She loves me dearly. Even from another country, she never fails to enquire after my well-being, albeit after solving the mystery about toilets... :p

I have taken the liberty to publish this conversation without her permission since she has exams from Monday, and was, thus, unavailable online. All the best, Mehr! 3:)

neha: :D

11:42 AM why are toilet flush handles on the left sidE?

me: umm

socha nhi kabhi

neha: kitni sochne waali baat hai naa

har jagah

left side par hi flush hota hai!!

me: dekh reasn ye ho sakta hai ki

11:43 AM jb hum flush karne k liye mudte hai

toh wo hamare liye right bann jata hai

n 90% ppl r ryt handed

neha: hmm...

nice answer!!

:P

11:44 AM yaar

lekin agar uth kar flush karen toh left hua naa

:P

me: right hua

11:45 AM neha: haaaaan!!

:P

thnks!

main yeh subah se soch rhi thi

:P

11:46 AM ohh..btw

kaise hai?

:P

howz everything?

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Google The Spy

Does Google see every damned thing you do? YES!!! :-/

Patent Wars

A joke I cracked

and laughed the entire gang

and then I commented, nonchalantly

"Just made that up, good na really?"

Then walked up my pal from behind

and smacked my twin-hind

"Hey!", I screamed

"You...", she seethed

and said:

"That punchline was mine

You stole it, you swine!"

Thus caught, ashamed and insulted

I watched TV at night

and realized to my surprise

it was neither hers, nor mine

the joke was actually Simpson's line!

Your grab, nor mine, hah! Take that!

Homer won the patent war, you cunning cat!

Until later, Cuidate!

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Dua Aur Baddua

Delhi...a magical city of quick fixes

A sweet cocktail of acidic mixes

Wide roads and patli galiyan

Studs and hunks and sexy phuljhadiyan

Skyscrapers beside rotten slums

Bhains ka doodh and beers and rums

Splashing away in boutiques and malls

Then bargaining at Janpath for tops and shawls

Sweet to your face, oh so polite

Turn your back, and we are deadlier than dynamite

In this city of riches and power, honey

Everyone can turn gobar into money

And once when I was asked, "Oh Miss!

Which is the best business to put in bucks?"

Without batting my eyelids and without a miss

I promptly opened my lips and replied thus:

Bhikhari ki dukaan is of course the best!

The most innovative, and a cut above the rest

A business of dua and baddua is all it takes,

with zero investment, to dig profit's lakes

And its cheap on the pockets of the customers too

Let me give you an example very true:

For the first ten bucks, Maai, tujhe sunder pati mile

For the second ten bucks, Bibiji, teri jodi bani rahe

For the third ten bucks and clutching your feet

Teri godh mein ho chand sa lalla, saasu gaye tere geet

And when you fail to pay up, they kick your shins

And curse your thirty-bucks-relationship to the bins!

But of course it helps, if you are seeking a divorce

Because for another ten bucks, you are freed of your remorse

And thus the lakhs of rupees spent from wedding to divorce

Are handled by the humble beggar in forty bucks, senor :)

Until later, Cuidate!

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The Scarlet Marriage

A poem I wrote for a school competition when I was fifteen. (entry rejected :p)

Nested in the blazing sands and dusts of the Thar

Together lived men of all religions and castes

There was a village mosque, and a village temple

Where prayers were offered everyday in ample

They passed each other, and passed a smile

"O! How happy we are!", together they cried

For happy they indeed were, day and night

They shared everything, but never a fight

Those men were 'liberal, noble and good'

God would have blessed them, if he could!

But, alas, in that village lived a couple

Whose love had landed them into trouble

The girl was Allah's own daughter

And the boy was a Hindu follower

But this small difference angered the temple priest

And the outraged mullah condemned the boy's creed

The two 'noble' heads declared a war

And out were drawn lathis, guns and swords

The blood thirsty crowd ran with weapons in hand

The swords rattled away and the guns banged

By the end of the day there was blood everywhere

No mercy shown and no body left to spare

On that bloody evening, sitting on the bloody ground

Was a terrified mother with painful cuts all around

She sat beside her dead children and cried:

"Such a cruel crime in broad daylight!

Bodies were slashed, blood shed, and stones were hurled

They killed the men and violated poor girls

God! You gave them everything, pride and money

But not even an ounce of peace and harmony!"

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All My Love

What was it that you had wanted from me

I’m sorry if I couldn’t give it to thee

I tried my level best

To give you all that’s left

All my love, all my care

Take it, before I’m not there…

Until later, Cuidate!

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Monkey And Me - II

Jannat :) But...there was a shady character in that delightful place. I was being stalked, let's refer to him as monkey.

Since the moment I first stepped into the campus, I could feel an evil eye following me everywhere, anticipating my every move, analysing my every situation. I felt strangled…and on the verge of a breakdown. Terror followed me everywhere I went, like a serpent waiting to strike. Every breath was a risk, every step a danger. Those were some of the worst moments ever lived.

And the vicious stalker was none other than, well, a monkey…

The citizens of my shiksha ka mandir (accompanied with the gesture of a sweep of my hand in a semicircle above my head) are forever in fear of the killer monkeys. They roam around majestically, stealing when they wish, striking and pouncing any pretty babe they desire. They have a birthright on every edible item, how dare you even think of eating it! If any object that you’re carrying catches their fancy, then of course they have a divine right over it. Either you hand over the disputed item with all due respect, or it will be snatched away, obviously. Even the creators of the “green” campus cower to the ground in their presence. All that’s left is for them to collect hafta from us now…

However, my fear reached unprecedented heights when the monkeys made me the target of their most atrocious expedition. Given how big-hearted, spendthrift, gullible, innocent, kind and sweet I am, I had bullied a senior into giving me ten bucks, with which I bought a choco-bar :D I was enjoying my well-earned treat in the sun, perched on the college wall, in the delightful company of my friends when my intuition warned me of danger! Out of the corner of my eye I could watch a huge mass of muscular brown fur leaping and running and jumping and lurching all the way towards me! In a blur of moments the monster was right before my eyes!! Yes sir, right before my very eyes, believe it or not, and baring his fangs that were covered in green phlegm!!! :O My very heart leaped out of my throat and jumped into my bag to seek cover, bloody bastard.

The indestructible incarnation of Lord Hanuman then stretched out his paws, and I sadly realized what I would have to give up L But I am no coward! Very bravely, I simply abandoned my ice cream and ran…

How I am alive to tell the tale still astonishes me…but my heart (bloody bastard) still cries when I think of that choco-bar bought with bullied-money.

Until later, Cuidate!

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Sinful Wishing

Perched on the parapet, leaning against the wall

She sat so oblivious, letting the great drops fall.

The rain shimmered thick…a curtain of pearls

The wisps of her agonized soul seething in swirls.

The random gusts of wind piercing her through

Drifting her to the inner vaults where memories brew.

And so she sat strolling down the memory lane

Sinful wishes rising again, peace beginning to wane.

It was a journey of as much joy as of longing

His absence hurt, for him she felt herself pining.

Wishing she could, once again, really see him smile

Wishing for him to tease her again, laughing all the while.

Silently observing the world, she wished him by her side

His sturdy hand on her shoulder, mouth grinning wide.

Alone in the crowd, somehow hoping he’d land

Right there, right then, and hold her hand.

She wished she could just make him sit

And wordlessly admire, as long as time bid.

“Come back, please, oh please come back”.

Praying thus mutely, but afraid to say it aloud

Knowing that he trusted her to wait, as he cleared the cloud.

And she felt so sinful, knowing she was being selfish

How could she ask him for something that he couldn’t furnish.

It surprised her greatly, how two tiny words “come back”

Made her flinch, perhaps of her own will a lack.

So torn by the two words, again letting the great drops fall

Wishing she could say, and knowing she should not.

Until later, Cuidate!

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Baby's Day Out

Mamta...ek gehra sukhi ahsaas! Phoolon sa komal, kaliyon sa nazuk...jisme chupa hai nari ke astitva ka raaz! Mere rajdulaare par koi aanch na aane paye! Taaron si roshan uski nanhi aankhein, resham si komal twacha, sangeet se madhur uski hasi...maa banne ka ye anokha abhaas!

Oh please, cut the crap!

The fact that so many women earn to conceive, carry, give birth and coo over a baby, according to me, is a sham of exponential proportions! And no, I'm not rambling, I have a well based theory. This shishu moh maya is nothing but a conspiracy of:

1) corporate moguls: who want to make big bucks out of baby care products/ crèches/ schooling/ college/ baby clothing/ baby albums/ baby stationery/ baby bags and suitcases/ baby shoes and footwear/ baby accessories/ baby sport equipments/ baby gadgets/ baby apps/ baby make-up/ baby jewellery/ mamy poco pants ^_^ (I love the tune), etc, etc.

2) ancient aunties: who have figures now struck by gravity and obesity, whose teenage kid is an animal already and who can't bear that you lead a curse-free life and thus lure you with the joys of motherhood, when they are actually plotting against you. Dear innocent young woman, if you would only perk up your ears a bit, you could hear their malevolent laughter inside their brains. “Wuhahahaha” is how it goes L

3) miscellaneous: husbands, peer group, tumhare apne maa-baap, in-laws, out-laws, over-laws, under-laws, on-laws, at-laws, for-laws, to-laws, by-laws and all other prepositions of the English language are shareholders of this conspiracy.

To increase your knowledge, here is a list of a number of disadvantages of having kids:

1) They are a costly investment.

2) They do not guarantee returns.

3) They outgrow clothes very quickly.

4) They embarrass you while still being cute.

5) They never like what you cook.

6) At the age of eight, they think the neighbour is prettier than you.

7) Most importantly, at the age of five, they think the neighbour’s daughter ought to be their girlfriend.

As is obvious, my criticism has rock solid foundation. And trust me, I would have kept my cynicism to myself had God not been so obstinate…

Let me give you an example.

One day in the metro, I happened to grab a seat next to an extremely adorable baby girl, who was hardly an year old. This is the exchange that took place.

Baby: buaabhuah hab ubu

Me: (blank expression)

Baby: (while pouncing me with her rather sharp nails) aabibu ooueee kasha mimimi

Me: (startled; require assistance)

Baby: (proceeds to tear the book that I had and laughs the charming baby laughter) ahaaa

ghaaaa aha aha aghaa haha

Me: (now shaken and alarmed, keep book inside bag)

Baby: (the war cry of victory) aaarhhhghhh!

All the women eyed the object of affection with undying love, as if she had performed a miracle by tearing my book apart. To add insult to injury, one woman grew disgusted at me for not showing suitable adoration! What can I say…nobody cares for victims such as me L

As luck would have it, the same baby and her mom also de-boarded at the same station as me. And since she had a very heavy bag, she thrusted over the baby in my arms until her husband came into view.

Well, she thanked me and left and all of that, but I was left wondering, why does God do this to me again and again? It is like Lewis Carroll's famous riddle from Alice in Wonderland that was meant to have no answer at all..."why does a raven look like a writing desk?"...

Why indeed!

Until later, Cuidate!

Mehr calls me Shin Chan, and therefore this is my kid (according to her)!

PS:-

@ my future kid: This is all lies! I don't hate kids! I've been trapped! It's a conspiracy! Blogomania made me do it for cash! Mommy loves you <3

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How To Make A Business Plan

The newly-hatched-ones of India, inspired and perspired in their quest to stand on their own webbed feet, are often attracted by the idea of self-employment. But, but, but! Fundamentals are the building blocks of fun. Today I, Rupaiya the Rooster, am here to teach the newly-hatched-ones how to make a business plan.

RECOGNISE OPPORTUNITY

It is vital to keep your chicken eyes open to any opportunity that helps you to earn a quick buck. Chori, dakaiti, loot, chhal-kapat, conning are some of the rampant examples. Religious festivals are also popular amongst emerging entrepreneurs. Karva Chauth is the perfect amalgamation of religious, romantic and family markets.

CREATE DEMAND

You cannot sell your product or services until there is any demand for it. And dear chickens, Rupaiya the Rooster says that "if there is no want, thou ought to create it!" For instance, your mom has to have henna patterns drawn on her hands for the ceremony of Karva Chauth. An intelligent chicken creates demand by having her stuck in the kitchen and not giving her the time to go to the market and get it done. And hey presto! Now your mom is begging you to rachao mehendi in her pretty hands ;)

RESOURCE MANAGEMENT

The identification, procurement and management of resources is the next big step in any business set-up. Continuing with our case study: the resource here is henna, and it looks like gobar to you. There are two options: 1) gobar 2) henna. Arranging gobar will include transportation and cleaning costs. Second option may be procured by your own money, or your mom's money. If mom has the mehendi cone, the choice is made infinitely easy, dear chickens!

HINT PRICE

Finance is the soul of any business (Duh..!). Now the important step here is to hint the prices and not establish the prices. Consider this: You: "Maa, main toh 100 Rs lungi"

Mom: "Thappad marungi".

Do NOT take the discussion any further. Laugh lightly and drop the matter.

ARRANGE SUPPLY

Agreed that you were a champion of making your claw-prints in nursery with water colours, but that won't help you when it comes to making money in a mehendi business. Chick, you need a pic! Google an easy enough design and you're all set to draw an amazing design on your pretty mom's pretty hands!!

EXTRACT PAYMENT

Googling does not mean you will be able to replicate the design with its exact intricacies. Obviously, in reality v/s expectations, reality wins, ALWAYS. But worry not! That's none of your concern :D The trick is to deposit the henna bullshit on one hand and then to establish that the payment of your services is 100 Rs. After covering the other hand with the henna-shit, you establish that the payment of your services is Rs 100 for each hand. Then you proceed to extract that amount from mom's purse while she sits there helpless covered in ugly henna patterns (drawn by you, of course).

my mom's hand, with my design

RESULT

Now you are rich! These were the basics of EconoMess, oops, Economy. Rupaiya the Rooster shall come back, dear chickens!, with more tricks on earning a quick buck, same blog, same URL!

Until later, Cuidate!

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Pyara Phatka

Ye maarmik gaatha hai uss ladki ki jise har holiday par apne pyare furniture ki dusting karni padti hai. Pathakon se anurodh hai ki iss dukh bhari gaatha ko padhkar we royein nahi!

( This is the heart-wrenching story of the girl who has to dust the immense beloved furniture on holidays, no matter what. Readers are requested not to cry after reading this sad story!)

Phatke! Mere pyare phatke!

Tu meri nazron mein khatke

Mere har weekend ki har subah

Tujh par he aakar hai atke!

Sardi kadake ki ho ya garmi sakht

Ya chahe ho pareeksha ka waqt

Mere hath mein phir bhi latke

Tu hamesha, o mere pyare phatke!

Ek pyari lazy holiday ki subah ka maza

Tujhe dekhte he khaye jhatke

Aur itne sare bhari bharkam furniture se

Mere gale ne kai sookhe ghoont hain gatke!

Sahastra saalon (years) ka sisila ye

Ki maine aur kuch na seekha siwa tere, phatke!

Perfect-Woman-Crash-Course mein hum kaise badhein aage

jab hum tum sada saath he satkein!

Par tu toh sala mast maula hai

Kamine tujhe kya fark padta hai

Mere dard...meri taqleef ko dekhkar

Tu harami BC khushi se matke!

Lekin aisa bhi aega ek din

Jab tere kardungi main tukde!

Aur sojaungi rajai taankar

Chahe furniture bane kachde ke dabbe!

Until later, Cuidate!

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Studying Engineering...

...by drawing poop cartoons during lectures

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The Waltz

Disheartened, disillusioned, dis-anchored

Until you gathered me up in your arms

And started a slow dance, my very first

And yours too, I guess, waltzing together

Moving slowly, at peace, soaking in the warmth

Requiring no music

The rhythm set listening to your heartbeat

Engulfed in love abound

And then came the realization:

My roots are with you...

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Atulya Aaaenn

On a fine lazy Saturday morning (the kids in my clan regard waking up at 12 noon fit enough for a suryanamskar),two clan-kids , me and my brother, sat in a Rectangle Bed Conference. Matters of prime importance were scheduled to be discussed. Acting as representatives of two immensely proud nations, serious diplomacy was required to negotiate ways around each other’s iron-bound foreign policies. This is the conversation that took place.

Me: “Greetings, gentleman! It’s a fine morning indeed. Hope you have had a hearty breakfast.”

Brother: “Greetings, gentlewoman! Nay, sadly breakfast has eluded me this morning. Mother refuses to serve me nourishment before I brush my teeth. Tyranny rules.”

Me: “True, true…very sad indeed. Do not lose heart, though. Swadisht hawa khaiye!”

Brother: “Dhanyawaad,bahut tasty hai! What is our agenda for today, pray?”

Me: “Yes, I was getting to that. Ranndeep Hooda in Saheb Biwi Aur Gangster… did you know he is from our Haryana?”

Brother: “Oh, is he?”

Me: “Yes, sir, very much. Hooda comes from Haryana. Also, Haryana has a Chief Minister called Hooda. But he happens to be a different Hooda, mysteriously. And surely you must be aware of H.U.D.A?”

Brother: “H.U.D.A??”

Me: “Your ten year old life breeds much ignorance, sir. H.U.D.A stands for Haryana Urban Development Authority.”

Brother: “Oh! LOL :D”

Me: “Abbe hass kyu raha hai?”

Brother: “Hahaha Hudda :D”

Me: “Yes. So?”

Brother: “Haryana ka Hudda, toh Punjab ka Pudda :D Hahaha :D”

Me: “LOL :D Nice, nice, very nice.”

*Mutual laughter continues for some time*

Me: “Tamil Nadu ka Tudda :D” (Ignoring Nadu)

Brother: “Mahahaha :D Too good :’D”

*More laughter*

Brother: “Karnataka ka Kudda!! J&K ka kya hoga? Jkudda?”

Me: “Nahi re.Judda-Kudda!”

Brother: “Yes! :D Aur Jharkhand ka Judda :D LOL :D”

Me: “LOL”

Brother: “West Bengal ka Budda :’D” (Ignoring West)

*Me laughing and brother rolling around roaring clutching his tummy*

Me: “You are too good, gentleman. My nation is proud to have relations with your distinguished country.”

Brother: “The feelings are mutual, gentlewoman! Hang on, tum kaun desh se aayi?”

Me: “Phhrrr (with pride)”

Brother: “Huh?”

Me: “Phhrrr.”

Brother: “Phrr?”

Me: “No. Phhrrr. Your lower lip must vibrate over your tongue. Try again.”

Brother: “Phhhhr.”

Me: “You are pathetic. Thara desh kunsa se?”

Brother: “Aaaenn (with pride)”

Me: “Aein?”

Brother: “Aaaenn.Cow ki tarah muh banao aur naak se bolo.”

Me: “Aeeen?”

Brother: “Bekar!”

Brother: “Aaaenn! Incredible Aaaenn!”

Me: “Hahaha”

Brother: “Atulya Aaaenn!

Me: “Mahahah”

*Brother laughing and me rolling around roaring clutching my stomach*

Me: *burp*

Brother: “Ye kya tha?”

Me: “Ye mommy ke desh ka naam hai. Ye ek aisa desh hai jiska naam har baar alag tareeke se pronounce kiya jata hai.”

Brother: “LMAO :D”

Me: “Acha bata, khana khane ke baad log kya karte hain?”

Brother: “Kya?”

Me: “Mommy ke desh ka naam lete hain :D”

*Both rolling around roaring clutching their stomachs while Mother watches with eyebrow raised in disgust*

Pagal hain mere gharwale!

Untill later, Cuidate!

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How To Kill A Mocking Bird

Vellapanti amidst a lot of work drives crazy people (such as me) to do crazy things (such as this). Vellapanti amidst a lot of work drives crazy people (such as me) to do incessant talking (such as this) about crazy topics (such as the Mocking Bird) for a crazy number of times (such as such as) when the focus should have been on something very crazily different (such as browsing books) absorbed in a crazy mood (such as temporary goodbyes). Hating goodbyes amidst other things drives crazy people (such as me) wonder about crazy things (such as asymptotes, for no obvious reason) and freeze in one facial expression (such as sulking). Awesomeness amidst sulking drives crazy people (such as me) to be fascinated by crazy creatures (such as the Mocking Bird), and awesomeness amidst sulking when coupled with vellapanti amidst a lot of work drives crazy people (such as me) to be awed by crazy features (such as gmail smileys) and hold a dramatic English court conversation between two emoticon characters (such as the Evil Princess and the Monkey King) about magical invincible crazy creatures (such as the Mocking Bird) instead of doing the 'a lot of work' that had to be done (such as writing a full fledged technical report) that has a deadline (such as a few hours).

If you understood what I blabbered above, this is how I spent my morning instead of doing my work, simply because I was so fascinated with the smileys and, well, the Mocking Bird :p Please, do not judge me!

Applications Invited

Applications invited for the illustrious post of Boyfriend with Benefits * (hereafter shall be referred to as BB) of the amazing, enchanting, sensual, charming, smart, witty, humorous, mesmerizing, attractive, intelligent, pretty, ingenious, innovative, creative, stunning (yes, all this refers to one person) and awesome author of The25thHour.

* Benefits implies the benefit of the author of The25thHour, as opposed to the benefit of the elected Boyfriend

A. Eligibility

1) The applicant must be male, heterosexual and above 19 years of age by 1st October 2011.

2) Applicant must be employed in some way or the other, viz, studying or working.

Selection shall be done on merit basis according to the criteria enlisted in section C. Special consideration shall be given to ameer baap ki bigadi hui aulaad.

B. How to Apply

Interested candidates must apply via e-mail. The mail must contain the serial numbers of the criterion they satisfy. A full body photograph, with sparse clothing, must be attached. Further correspondence shall be made based on the performance of the candidate as determined by the selection process. The decision of the author is final and irrevocable. Any form of objection to the final decision shall be heavily penalized. (No boys....don't think handcuffs and whips! ;P) **

** thoughtful suggestion courtesy my dear friend, Nidhi Joshi :D

C. Method of Selection

Candidates clearing the cut off score of 60% of the total points shall be considered. The score of each candidate will be determined by the criteria enlisted below. Weightage of each criteria is stated against it.

1) Candidate must be obscenely rich, the more obscene the better. He must lavish me with presents of books, clothes, footwear, junk accessories, aesthetic accessories, expensive dinners, dates at posh places, etc. (15 points)

2) Must carry my bags, books and any other load that I happen to have at that time. (3 points)

3) Must be adept at making French...braids. (5 points)

4) Must have an immense interest in earrings. (4 points)

5) Must adore gol gappe and milkshakes. Noncompliance in either is intolerable. (2 points)

6) Must worship me in my non-groomed, ugly self. (15 points)

7) Must agree with whatever I say, must obey whatever I command, must provide whatever I demand. (3 points)

8) Must follow me like a slave, and must have the expression of a love-sick puppy on his face at all times. (2 points)

9) Must know how to drive, must own a car, must be available to chauffeur me anywhere I need to go, at all times. (20 points)

10) Must like Calvin & Hobbes. (10 points)

11) Must fall for it when I pretend to sulk, and must appreciate my efforts at making a baby face. (10 points)

12) Must consider it an honour to bring me ice candies. (5 points)

13) Must bring me flowers. Must not bring me flowers. (0 points)

14) Must bring me chocolates. Must bring me chocolates. (5 points)

15) Must be sexy, HOT, ravishing. (15 points)

NOTE:- It doesn't matter even if the candidate has a potato for a face. In all fairness, hotness evaluation will be done from toes to neck for all candidates.

16) Must pay my phone bills. (30 points)

17) Must pamper me. A lot. (30 points)

18) Must carry an umbrella. (10 points)

19) Must proclaim daily, "Archika, I am your greatest fan; you are the goddess of my destiny and fortune. I am your servant! Command me, my lady!". After this, must let his tongue hang out for a better effect. (12 points)

NOTE:- Every woman likes to be complimented, you know.

20) Must lie at my feet sometimes, to boost my vanity. I DESERVE IT!! (20 points)

21) Must know how to cook, clean and tend. (15 points)

22) Must know how to fight skillfully. (15 points)

NOTE:- The great author of The25thHour tends to boast herself into certain situations where you might be left alone to deal with a few meanies. All the best.

23) Must be a good masseur. (5 points)

24) Must dance well. All dance forms included. Good entertainment is expected of BB. This includes jokes, mimicry, making a fool of himself, etc. (10 points)

25) Must be blind towards other women. Must have HOT friends. (20 points)

(LIST SHALL BE UPDATED FROM TIME TO TIME. APPLICANTS ARE, THEREFORE, REQUIRED TO KEEP CHECKING)

D. Fees

No application fees is required. All money extraction shall be done during the period of the contract. Contract renewal will be done on a quarterly basis, depending on the performance of BB. Lootegi tumhari jeb aise, shareer se khoon choosta hai leech jaise. Wuhahaha! ;->

E. Important

Drop your queries in the 'Comments' section.

***GOOD LUCK***

Vote for me now!