Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Hermit's Song - III

( -continued)
They care to remind us of our colonial past
To relive the pain of discriminations vast
Blue lane for the commonwealth, none for the rest
"O you slimy Indians, pay 2000 fine, what a pest"

And this is not all sir, pray wait
Come meet the autowallah "Mr. Fixed Rate"
You'll be surprised by the change in this man
Along with the cabbie and the policeman.

They have all had a terrific makeover
As if the very Gods of manners were sent over
"Thank you; welcome; sorry; no ma'am; oh yes"
"Atithi devo bhava" chants the cop as suffers your ass

You will find neither dirt nor dust
Not a leaf out of place, look if you must
Neither filthy roadside vendors, nor encroachments
Beggars? What's that? Some snack or refreshments?

We have ordered the daily wage labourers,
homeless people and under-bridge campers
to march out of Delhi; we care for our pride
You understand, gentlemen, we can't show our ugly side

The cattle and the dogs sometimes dot the sight
MCD has them all, we don't want you to get a bite
Some canines left are smart, they dodge the cars very well
But we're still figuring out the cows, as you can tell

But cleanliness and hygiene have been taken care of
Dustbins every few miles to make use of
Want to PEE? We have the LOO, not fret (:p)
Fitted with stench meters that won't work, my bet

Mahilayein avem Purush, please come with one
& two rupee coins, if you don't want to relief shun
Our toilets now also have the facilities of a steaming cuppa
Information tablets, nappy machines and what not, HURRAH!

Yes, the prospects are not as bleak as they seem
For there is one industry that is very keen
to take on the CWG, they are all prepared
to take the bull by the horns they are all geared

Mangomen, I'm talking about the sex workers of course
For where there is adrenaline, there will be testosterone
Momma Sheila has seen to the provision of protection
A baby boom is the last mess she'd want for the upcoming election

Miracles are still left, stories yet untold
Hold your breath as bizzarre wonders unfold
Do not blame me for coming on to them again
Maa Sheila's princes...they rise as we wane

They are all magicians, acme of perfection
A picture of confidence amidst pending construction
Unpaved tiles, unfitted lines, walls without paint
Unflushed toilets, waterless outlets, roads without drain

Incomplete stadiums and worldclass arenas
Inappropriate accomadations for champions and divas
Newspapers already filled with screaming headlines
"Filthy conditions" guests and participants whine

If that's not entertaining enough, we have more
Main stadium's roof collapses just days before
Leak proof structures oozing water like sponge
Chaos and panic all around as ministers lounge

Our tiny tots now learn new rhymes and growl
"Indian bridge is falling down, falling down"
Swanky street lights, street art and fixtures, all in vain
"Har jagah khuda" are the jokes doing the rounds nowadays.

The pulp of the mango-man has again gone pale
Because the Rain God decided this year he wouldn't us fail
The mighty black clouds, up above in the sky
Pouring like crazy, as if they wouldn't ever have another try

It doesn't really matter to me, I love rains
She is my co-conspirator in giving pains
to him, a certain spunky Manipal-ite
so that when he comes back he gets no respite (:p)

But wait, listen to what Maa Sheila says
She has back-up lest everything should fail
"Mangomen, thee shalt certainly not drowneth
Two wooden rafts are ready if Yamuna pounceth"

As is apparent, we are all charged up
To play hosts to the enchanted prince's mishap
Yes, we mongomen are scared, ready to be ashamed
Bacause the terrorists are game to have us framed

Two bikers attacking a tourist bus
Sparaying it with bullets, dude, that ain't guts
Using a pressure cooker to carry out blasts (!)
Our single autowallah (salute) was enough for your farce

A few more incidents here and there
Gave a few Britishers a good scare
"Indian security is in a lapse" they said
"We won't come" said three from the English contingent

Well, nothing could please us more, you know
Three people less before whom to bow
To rest we say "Come one come all
Watch as falls the Incredible India wall"

Thus sings the hermit of a far away land
Knowing Delhi will be able to pull off the sham
After all its JUGAAD, that mysterious quality of us Indians
Just be optimistic, and we'll win the hearts of millions :)

Well, let's hope things work out! Keep the Optimism-meter up you guys!!

Untill later, Cuidate!

Vote for me now!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Hermit's Song - II

( -continued)

So that happy incident laced with cheer
Drove the mango-man to despair
For this is the great Indian land, he knew
Where baraatis feast more than the groom

The mango-man was ripened out of his wits
For the ministers were rubbing their fists
"We shalt honour what the Lord has meant
Wealth of the COMMONwealth we shalt spend"

Here I pause to pinch my ears
Curse my tongue and begin with fear
For the politicia are my evil inspiration
And I weep for denouncing my motivation.

Zeal and passion governs their thirst
Enthusiasm and dedication to be the first
to gobble up the "greens"; waists are nurtured
They never burp, mind you, they are cultured.

It's very tiring work to rob the aam aadmi
A job one can't do without hath ki safai
It's a rare talent indeed, believe me or not
Who else could spend millions on toilet paper and pot

Nay gentlemen, don't smirk, don't sneer
The hardwork involved is still to you not clear
To think up road labyrinths is rocket science
Cultivating patience in the countrymen in traffic lines

They care to remind us of our colonial past
To relive the pain of discriminations vast
Blue lane for the commonwealth, none for the rest
"O you slimy Indians, pay 2000 fine, what a pest"

( -to be continued)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

The Hermit's Song - I

(The characters and events in the hermit's song bear no resemblance to any person or incident whatsoever. The readers are not liable to accuse the author of any links with any political group or organization. Readers shall be prosecuted against if they scrutinize her bank accounts and financial assets (she has none, you see). Publicity and cheap popularity can also not be quoted as potential motives. However, sheer satire and sadism may be considered and brought into view)

In a land far far away
In a time long bygone
A prophecy was cast upon us
That had the populace torn

A commonwealth fairy, very pretty
told the enchanted Delhi dude
"Thou shalt be my host, o prince
And thou shalt me not elude"

Returned the happy prince charming
And chirruped to rajmata Sheila
"Maa, Maa, I bring forth good news
We will host the 2010 khel leela"

Beaming with pride, Maa Sheila wept
And held the prince close to her breast
"O my son, meri aankhon ka tara
Here, have mere hath ka halwa"

So that happy incident laced with cheer
Drove the mango-man to despair
For this is the great Indian land, he knew
where baraatis feast more than the groom

( -to be continued)
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