The25thHour: Baby's Day Out

Mamta...ek gehra sukhi ahsaas! Phoolon sa komal, kaliyon sa nazuk...jisme chupa hai nari ke astitva ka raaz! Mere rajdulaare par koi aanch na aane paye! Taaron si roshan uski nanhi aankhein, resham si komal twacha, sangeet se madhur uski hasi...maa banne ka ye anokha abhaas!

Oh please, cut the crap!

The fact that so many women earn to conceive, carry, give birth and coo over a baby, according to me, is a sham of exponential proportions! And no, I'm not rambling, I have a well based theory. This shishu moh maya is nothing but a conspiracy of:

1) corporate moguls: who want to make big bucks out of baby care products/ crèches/ schooling/ college/ baby clothing/ baby albums/ baby stationery/ baby bags and suitcases/ baby shoes and footwear/ baby accessories/ baby sport equipments/ baby gadgets/ baby apps/ baby make-up/ baby jewellery/ mamy poco pants ^_^ (I love the tune), etc, etc.

2) ancient aunties: who have figures now struck by gravity and obesity, whose teenage kid is an animal already and who can't bear that you lead a curse-free life and thus lure you with the joys of motherhood, when they are actually plotting against you. Dear innocent young woman, if you would only perk up your ears a bit, you could hear their malevolent laughter inside their brains. “Wuhahahaha” is how it goes L

3) miscellaneous: husbands, peer group, tumhare apne maa-baap, in-laws, out-laws, over-laws, under-laws, on-laws, at-laws, for-laws, to-laws, by-laws and all other prepositions of the English language are shareholders of this conspiracy.

To increase your knowledge, here is a list of a number of disadvantages of having kids:

1) They are a costly investment.

2) They do not guarantee returns.

3) They outgrow clothes very quickly.

4) They embarrass you while still being cute.

5) They never like what you cook.

6) At the age of eight, they think the neighbour is prettier than you.

7) Most importantly, at the age of five, they think the neighbour’s daughter ought to be their girlfriend.

As is obvious, my criticism has rock solid foundation. And trust me, I would have kept my cynicism to myself had God not been so obstinate…

Let me give you an example.

One day in the metro, I happened to grab a seat next to an extremely adorable baby girl, who was hardly an year old. This is the exchange that took place.

Baby: buaabhuah hab ubu

Me: (blank expression)

Baby: (while pouncing me with her rather sharp nails) aabibu ooueee kasha mimimi

Me: (startled; require assistance)

Baby: (proceeds to tear the book that I had and laughs the charming baby laughter) ahaaa

ghaaaa aha aha aghaa haha

Me: (now shaken and alarmed, keep book inside bag)

Baby: (the war cry of victory) aaarhhhghhh!

All the women eyed the object of affection with undying love, as if she had performed a miracle by tearing my book apart. To add insult to injury, one woman grew disgusted at me for not showing suitable adoration! What can I say…nobody cares for victims such as me L

As luck would have it, the same baby and her mom also de-boarded at the same station as me. And since she had a very heavy bag, she thrusted over the baby in my arms until her husband came into view.

Well, she thanked me and left and all of that, but I was left wondering, why does God do this to me again and again? It is like Lewis Carroll's famous riddle from Alice in Wonderland that was meant to have no answer at all..."why does a raven look like a writing desk?"...

Why indeed!

Until later, Cuidate!