Monkey And Me - I

Well, most of us have gone through our "waiting period" to get into some god-damn college. All those blissful hours of uselessness, those afternoons spent peacefully slumbering aware of the fact that we are good for nothing and won't get admission anywhere, cherishing our nocturnal existence and pretending to be rockstars while we are the only "unemployed" memebers of the family, getting to know the ceiling of our rooms like the back of our hand, having all the time in the world and still working hard to do nothing, lying sprawled on the bed in all our conscious moments, being comforted by the fact that the next day was going to be exactly like today...nothing to do, nothing to care about...gosh! That was the best time of my life! I wish I could bring it back...

But like all good things in the world, that happy period had to end too. To everybody's surprise, and I mean to entirely everybody's surprise (read: happy shock), I got into a college! (Yes! Can you believe it? Nor can I!)

If you are one of those people who think college is all about fun, masti, freedom, independence, carelessness, adventure, madness, anarchy, fun exploring trips, spontaneity and gaeity, then my college is not the place to go to. My shiksha ka mandir (accompanied with the gesture of a sweep of my hand in a semicircle above my head) is a place devoid of any abovementioned possibilities in the normal sense. It is located in a very busy area of Old Delhi where the traffic sense is so bad you can get squished to pulp anyday, anytime. It's a thrilling experience! I myself have had the fortunate chance to just escape from being crushed between a DTC and a Tata Safari once; two more occasions too but I can't recall the vehicles involved. And not many days untill I do get crushed, given how careless I am and one has to cross the intersection without traffic lights to get the photocopy done. Yay, adrenaline! (I wonder if boyfriends can be called widowers :p Haha! Oh well, that's the sort of humour I've been reduced to.) Since the crowd is what should be typical of Old Delhi, it's not a very good idea to venture into the local markets (they mostly sell autoparts anyway). Feeling hungry, want a quickie? Worry not, Makhanlal Halwai comes to the rescue! There is nothing of interest where you can go and hang out, the only relief being the somewhat well-equipped metro station a small walk away.

So that was the area around the campus. Now I'll tell you what an incredible campus my shiksha ka mandir has. As has already been mentioned, the xerox shop within the campus remains forever closed. Before you judge too soon, let me tell you that this is done intentionally so that students can get a first hand experience of relying on their instincts and learning to survive. Not to mention the adventure, ofcourse. Apart from the closed xerox shop, the world-class facilities present on-campus, as proudly stated on the site, include a fine basket-ball court (which is used as a parking lot), tennis court (sorry, I haven't been able to locate it yet, but the search goes on), badminton court (my peers play on clay, where clay means kichad...and yes, the excessive rains have made the court appear black), gymnasium (again, invisible), library housing 18,000 books (hah! it seems so tiny), cool cafeteria ( kidding, for some mysterious reason it was filled with smoke the two times I've been there), et cetera, et cetera.

Though the main feature is the huge, sprawling, lush, evergreen, wonderful, terriffic, awesome, yudli-yudli-yoo ground, bang in the middle, surrounded by buildings on all sides. Trust me when I say its heavenly. The first time I lay my eyes on it, all I thought was that the administration had taken the words "green" campus too literally. I mean, the grass literally flourished :p You could play hide-and-seek in it, or receive guerilla training! Or go explore its exponentially high biodiversity! Anything new you desire, the taller-than-everyone grass is sure to offer you :') Except...you can't sit there, and crossing it is a tad bit difficult sometimes... :p And yes, a small group of boys also displays chivalry by trying to play soccer there. Alas, they neither offer me the chance to watch a decent game nor the oppurtunity to have a new crush. Well, you can't have the best of everything I guess :p

Jannat :) But...there was a shady character in that delightful place. I was being stalked, let's refer to him as monkey.

( -to be continued)

A Little Bit Of Time - II

( -continued)


But...God is cruel :p

Despite all the pains that I took to avoid one of my biggest phobias, destiny was determined to teach me a lesson. Against all odds, I developed a very curious liking for a certain person quite many months before. And so, as is my habit of taking everything to the extremes, I would spend four out of the five school hours staring at my "object of fascination" :p I can't even begin to count the number of people for whom I provided entertainment...sigh! But the point is, no amount of comments, sniggery, jeering or even encouragement prevented me from my, er, quest :p Life was all roses untill I realized that my "object of fascination" would be transported some roughly 1714.64 kilometers or 1065.43 miles away :p I was doomed. Given a choice, I would always be the one to leave than to be left behind. But Vivre did not mean that to be!! Being the snobbish little friend that she is, she felt a moral obligation to teach me lessons of life :p "Archika...thou shalt wait! Thou shalt wait! Thou shalt wait! Wuhahaha!" she bellowed :p (Note: Friends like Vivre are also sometimes the prickiest hair in your nose :p)

I thought it couldn't get worse than this and made peace with the situation. But can a story be complete without the twists and turns? Nay, friends, nay! The scriptwriter of my life story thought it would be a good idea to throw in another sub-plot. And so...blackout...suspense...spotlight...drumroll...taa-daa...off goes Mehr, my best buddy, to Thailand! (That's a mere 2917.88 kilometres or 1813.14 miles away!) Vivre stole the oppurtunity to whisper into my ears, "Thank me Archika, I'm making sure you are completely alone so that you master the lesson." I tell you, Vivre is such a witch :p

Well, it hasn't been easy at all. God is cruel. Even though he knew I'm incapable of cultivating patience, he did not bless me with the superpower of teleporting :p (I can telepathy, in case you were wondering :p) And though I recently met Corazon (for which I'm very grateful), it does not suffice. It's like eating momos when you are very hungry. You think they will do for the time being only to realize that you want more :p

It's roughly three months more before I see him again. 3 months= 92 days= 2208 hours= 132480 minutes= 7948800 seconds :p Gasp! How will I survive?! The agony!

Well, I don't know about me, but yes, we will definitely survive :) After all, if the presence of the other is always felt, what more can one ask for. Even though the distance remains, he is always there, listening to all the blabberings and daily futile chit-chats of me :p So from the pointless complaints of how bored I am to his chuckling when I tell him how a common friend commented how do I manage to sit in class without having "someone" to stare at, he bears it all ;) From making me laugh to listening to the serious stuff, he does it all. He never complains if you are being bratty and demanding too much attention :p He will do all the things in his power that you ask him to. And if you happen to mention in passing what a bad day you had, he will call you and very subtly help you unwind and talk and relax. We will survive...also because the three beautiful hours together will be treasured forever, and the three months apart will one day be a distant memory :)

And Mehr..I promise to get the gtalk sorted :p I miss you when the landline rings, for my brother, and not for me. I miss the sound of your laughter, and all the hours we spent seamlessly talking about anything and everything in the world :) The champions of random :p

When the people you love go away, even if temporarily, you wish you had just a little bit of time more. A little bit of time to laugh some more, to talk some more, to be silent together some more. And sometimes you feel so helpless, you wish you could freeze time to the happier moments. But life goes on. And the ones parted will also one day be reunited :)

Untill next time, Cuidate!

A Little Bit Of Time - I

Let me recount to you the events of the night when I was born. It was a historic night indeed. The moment the world heard my first cry (a sweet melodious screeching sound :p) the clouds joined in the symphony with great crackle and thundering. The inky blue sky was marred with great bolts of lightening. All winged creatures were panic stricken by the disaster just born and flew helter-skelter to search for safety. A heavy storm picked up and threatened to blow everything in the way. Gaint trees shook violently. The very Earth threatened to collapse. And then...suddenly...the sky parted...and a divine voice announced, "Archika shall be impatient forever!" :p

Well, pardon the exaggeration, but the truth persists. I was, am, and will be impatient. I hate having to wait! For as long as I can remember, I always had a nagging disgust for that evil device named "watch". Its two arms, like swords, always drove me to despair. The mockery in their slow parikrama was unbearable. I was a bit sympathetic to the seconds-hand though, the poor thing :p

So whenever I asked mom, "When do I go to the park?", pat came the reply, "In the evening". So I asked how many hours more before it would be evening. Two? Oh no! One hour=sixty minutes. One minute=sixty seconds. Two hours=___seconds? I was too young to do the math (and lazy, ofcourse) but I knew that it was a lot of seconds. Gasp! How will I survive? The agony! And so I would spend those two hours glancing at the watch time and again, cursing it for taunting me, writhing in torture.

Again, I would cheerfully ask, "Mom, when will you make ice-cream?" And mom would reply, "Next week. Don't pester me". So again a repeat show of the whole thing would take place. One week=seven days. One day=twenty four hours. One hour=sixty minutes. One minute=sixty seconds. Seven days=___seconds? Gasp! How will I survive?

Same thing happened with the time for dad to come home, for Holi to come (you see, I love getting wet and dirty :p), for vacations to begin, for vacations to end, for the ice-cream to set, for the cake to bake, for my first bicycle, for its first puncture, for new course books, for new novels...the list never ends. In fact, if a friend and I ever planned an outing and she would propose to pick me up, I would tweak everything and make sure I was the one to pick her up, just to avoid the torture of having to wait.

But...God is cruel :p

( -to be continued)

Corazon..love story (Richard Clayderman: piano version)

The Hermit's Song - III

( -continued)

They care to remind us of our colonial past
To relive the pain of discriminations vast
Blue lane for the commonwealth, none for the rest
"O you slimy Indians, pay 2000 fine, what a pest"

And this is not all sir, pray wait
Come meet the autowallah "Mr. Fixed Rate"
You'll be surprised by the change in this man
Along with the cabbie and the policeman.

They have all had a terrific makeover
As if the very Gods of manners were sent over
"Thank you; welcome; sorry; no ma'am; oh yes"
"Atithi devo bhava" chants the cop as suffers your ass

You will find neither dirt nor dust
Not a leaf out of place, look if you must
Neither filthy roadside vendors, nor encroachments
Beggars? What's that? Some snack or refreshments?

We have ordered the daily wage labourers,
homeless people and under-bridge campers
to march out of Delhi; we care for our pride
You understand, gentlemen, we can't show our ugly side

The cattle and the dogs sometimes dot the sight
MCD has them all, we don't want you to get a bite
Some canines left are smart, they dodge the cars very well
But we're still figuring out the cows, as you can tell

But cleanliness and hygiene have been taken care of
Dustbins every few miles to make use of
Want to PEE? We have the LOO, sir...do not fret (:p)
Fitted with stench meters that won't work, my bet

Mahilayein avem Purush, please come with one
& two rupee coins, if you don't want to relief shun
Our toilets now also have the facilities of a steaming cuppa
Information tablets, nappy machines and what not, HURRAH!

Yes, the prospects are not as bleak as they seem
For there is one industry that is very keen
to take on the CWG, they are all prepared
to take the bull by the horns they are all geared

Mangomen, I'm talking about the sex workers of course
For where there is adrenaline, there will be testosterone
Momma Sheila has seen to the provision of protection
A baby boom is the last mess she'd want for the upcoming election

Miracles are still left, stories yet untold
Hold your breath as bizzarre wonders unfold
Do not blame me for coming on to them again
Maa Sheila's princes...they rise as we wane

They are all magicians, acme of perfection
A picture of confidence amidst pending construction
Unpaved tiles, unfitted lines, walls without paint
Unflushed toilets, waterless outlets, roads without drain

Incomplete stadiums and worldclass arenas
Inappropriate accomadations for champions and divas
Newspapers already filled with screaming headlines
"Filthy conditions" guests and participants whine

If that's not entertaining enough, we have more
Main stadium's roof collapses just days before
Leak proof structures oozing water like sponge
Chaos and panic all around as ministers lounge

Our tiny tots now learn new rhymes and growl
"Indian bridge is falling down, falling down"
Swanky street lights, street art and fixtures, all in vain
"Har jagah khuda" are the jokes doing the rounds nowadays.

The pulp of the mango-man has again gone pale
Because the Rain God decided this year he wouldn't us fail
The mighty black clouds, up above in the sky
Pouring like crazy, as if they wouldn't ever have another try

It doesn't really matter to me, I love rains
She is my co-conspirator in giving pains
to him, a certain spunky Manipal-ite
so that when he comes back he gets no respite (:p)

But wait, listen to what Maa Sheila says
She has back-up lest everything should fail
"Mangomen, thee shalt certainly not drowneth
Two wooden rafts are ready if Yamuna pounceth"

As is apparent, we are all charged up
To play hosts to the enchanted prince's mishap
Yes, we mongomen are scared, ready to be ashamed
Bacause the terrorists are game to have us framed

Two bikers attacking a tourist bus
Sparaying it with bullets, dude, that ain't guts
Using a pressure cooker to carry out blasts (!)
Our single autowallah (salute) was enough for your farce

A few more incidents here and there
Gave a few Britishers a good scare
"Indian security is in a lapse" they said
"We won't come" said three from the English contingent

Well, nothing could please us more, you know
Three people less before whom to bow
To rest we say "Come one come all
Watch as falls the Incredible India wall"

Thus sings the hermit of a far away land
Knowing Delhi will be able to pull off the sham
After all its JUGAAD, that mysterious quality of us Indians
Just be optimistic, and we'll win the hearts of millions :)

Well, let's hope things work out! Keep the Optimism-meter up you guys!!

Untill later, Cuidate!

Vote for me now!

The Hermit's Song - II

( -continued)

So that happy incident laced with cheer
Drove the mango-man to despair
For this is the great Indian land, he knew
Where baraatis feast more than the groom

The mango-man was ripened out of his wits
For the ministers were rubbing their fists
"We shalt honour what the Lord has meant
Wealth of the COMMONwealth we shalt spend"

Here I pause to pinch my ears
Curse my tongue and begin with fear
For the politicia are my evil inspiration
And I weep for denouncing my motivation.

Zeal and passion governs their thirst
Enthusiasm and dedication to be the first
to gobble up the "greens"; waists are nurtured
They never burp, mind you, they are cultured.

It's very tiring work to rob the aam aadmi
A job one can't do without hath ki safai
It's a rare talent indeed, believe me or not
Who else could spend millions on toilet paper and pot

Nay gentlemen, don't smirk, don't sneer
The hardwork involved is still to you not clear
To think up road labyrinths is rocket science
Cultivating patience in the countrymen in traffic lines

They care to remind us of our colonial past
To relive the pain of discriminations vast
Blue lane for the commonwealth, none for the rest
"O you slimy Indians, pay 2000 fine, what a pest"

( -to be continued)

The Hermit's Song - I

(The characters and events in the hermit's song bear no resemblance to any person or incident whatsoever. The readers are not liable to accuse the author of any links with any political group or organization. Readers shall be prosecuted against if they scrutinize her bank accounts and financial assets (she has none, you see). Publicity and cheap popularity can also not be quoted as potential motives. However, sheer satire and sadism may be considered and brought into view)

In a land far far away
In a time long bygone
A prophecy was cast upon us
That had the populace torn

A commonwealth fairy, very pretty
told the enchanted Delhi dude
"Thou shalt be my host, o prince
And thou shalt me not elude"

Returned the happy prince charming
And chirruped to rajmata Sheila
"Maa, Maa, I bring forth good news
We will host the 2010 khel leela"

Beaming with pride, Maa Sheila wept
And held the prince close to her breast
"O my son, meri aankhon ka tara
Here, have mere hath ka halwa"

So that happy incident laced with cheer
Drove the mango-man to despair
For this is the great Indian land, he knew
where baraatis feast more than the groom

( -to be continued)