Why I Love My Lotto Shoes

I dearly love my Lotto shoes

because they are big and black

Neither tight and nor too loose

And all girly glitterings they lack.

My big black Lotto shoes have a fiery red

lining, about which in lore and legends is said

would make fully grown men themselves wet

and whimper back to their mothers in a sweat.

My shoes have a spacious front

Some of my weight they bear and grunt

That place is so palatial, that my toes

sneer and bare their imaginary butts to foes.

My toes dance the ballet and remain unchaffed

Play and make merry, and in an orgy are wrapped

There are no cuts, ahoy, or holes at the heels!

No contact with rain water, thus my skin never peels.

Ah yes, I recall, there is a hole at the toe indeed

The one I acquired while learning to weld metal sheets

But now is plugged with a mysterious mochi material

Ah mighty shoes! You withstood the heat of molten aluminium!

Sometimes when they bite my fair ankle

They are easily repaired, after leaving a sore spot

Bitey encounters that leave me rankled

But then what are creams and lotions for?

Most importantly, when filthy people stare at me

I look at my shoes and feel strong and mighty

And I think "Come on chap, dare you touch a hair on me,

These shoes will crack your nuts and make you flighty"