Jul 28, 2011

How To Kill A Mocking Bird

Vellapanti amidst a lot of work drives crazy people (such as me) to do crazy things (such as this). Vellapanti amidst a lot of work drives crazy people (such as me) to do incessant talking (such as this) about crazy topics (such as the Mocking Bird) for a crazy number of times (such as such as) when the focus should have been on something very crazily different (such as browsing books) absorbed in a crazy mood (such as temporary goodbyes). Hating goodbyes amidst other things drives crazy people (such as me) wonder about crazy things (such as asymptotes, for no obvious reason) and freeze in one facial expression (such as sulking). Awesomeness amidst sulking drives crazy people (such as me) to be fascinated by crazy creatures (such as the Mocking Bird), and awesomeness amidst sulking when coupled with vellapanti amidst a lot of work drives crazy people (such as me) to be awed by crazy features (such as gmail smileys) and hold a dramatic English court conversation between two emoticon characters (such as the Evil Princess and the Monkey King) about magical invincible crazy creatures (such as the Mocking Bird) instead of doing the 'a lot of work' that had to be done (such as writing a full fledged technical report) that has a deadline (such as a few hours).

If you understood what I blabbered above, this is how I spent my morning instead of doing my work, simply because I was so fascinated with the smileys and, well, the Mocking Bird :p Please, do not judge me!



Jul 9, 2011

Applications Invited

Applications invited for the illustrious post of Boyfriend with Benefits * (hereafter shall be referred to as BB) of the amazing, enchanting, sensual, charming, smart, witty, humorous, mesmerizing, attractive, intelligent, pretty, ingenious, innovative, creative, stunning (yes, all this refers to one person) and awesome author of The25thHour.

* Benefits implies the benefit of the author of The25thHour, as opposed to the benefit of the elected Boyfriend

A. Eligibility
1) The applicant must be male, heterosexual and above 19 years of age by 1st October 2011.
2) Applicant must be employed in some way or the other, viz, studying or working.

Selection shall be done on merit basis according to the criteria enlisted in section C. Special consideration shall be given to ameer baap ki bigadi hui aulaad.

B. How to Apply
Interested candidates must apply via e-mail. The mail must contain the serial numbers of the criterion they satisfy. A full body photograph, with sparse clothing, must be attached. Further correspondence shall be made based on the performance of the candidate as determined by the selection process. The decision of the author is final and irrevocable. Any form of objection to the final decision shall be heavily penalized. (No boys....don't think handcuffs and whips! ;P) **

** thoughtful suggestion courtesy my dear friend, Nidhi Joshi :D

C. Method of Selection
Candidates clearing the cut off score of 60% of the total points shall be considered. The score of each candidate will be determined by the criteria enlisted below. Weightage of each criteria is stated against it.

1) Candidate must be obscenely rich, the more obscene the better. He must lavish me with presents of books, clothes, footwear, junk accessories, aesthetic accessories, expensive dinners, dates at posh places, etc. (15 points)
2) Must carry my bags, books and any other load that I happen to have at that time. (3 points)
3) Must be adept at making French...braids. (5 points)
4) Must have an immense interest in earrings. (4 points)
5) Must adore gol gappe and milkshakes. Noncompliance in either is intolerable. (2 points)
6) Must worship me in my non-groomed, ugly self. (15 points)
7) Must agree with whatever I say, must obey whatever I command, must provide whatever I demand. (3 points)
8) Must follow me like a slave, and must have the expression of a love-sick puppy on his face at all times. (2 points)
9) Must know how to drive, must own a car, must be available to chauffeur me anywhere I need to go, at all times. (20 points)
10) Must like Calvin & Hobbes. (10 points)
11) Must fall for it when I pretend to sulk, and must appreciate my efforts at making a baby face. (10 points)
12) Must consider it an honour to bring me ice candies. (5 points)
13) Must bring me flowers. Must not bring me flowers. (0 points)
14) Must bring me chocolates. Must bring me chocolates. (5 points)
15) Must be sexy, HOT, ravishing. (15 points)
NOTE:- It doesn't matter even if the candidate has a potato for a face. In all fairness, hotness evaluation will be done from toes to neck for all candidates.
16) Must pay my phone bills. (30 points)
17) Must pamper me. A lot. (30 points)
18) Must carry an umbrella. (10 points)
19) Must proclaim daily, "Archika, I am your greatest fan; you are the goddess of my destiny and fortune. I am your servant! Command me, my lady!". After this, must let his tongue hang out for a better effect. (12 points)
NOTE:- Every woman likes to be complimented, you know.
20) Must lie at my feet sometimes, to boost my vanity. I DESERVE IT!! (20 points)
21) Must know how to cook, clean and tend. (15 points)
22) Must know how to fight skillfully. (15 points)
NOTE:- The great author of The25thHour tends to boast herself into certain situations where you might be left alone to deal with a few meanies. All the best.
23) Must be a good masseur. (5 points)
24) Must dance well. All dance forms included. Good entertainment is expected of BB. This includes jokes, mimicry, making a fool of himself, etc. (10 points)
25) Must be blind towards other women. Must have HOT friends. (20 points)

(LIST SHALL BE UPDATED FROM TIME TO TIME. APPLICANTS ARE, THEREFORE, REQUIRED TO KEEP CHECKING)

D. Fees
No application fees is required. All money extraction shall be done during the period of the contract. Contract renewal will be done on a quarterly basis, depending on the performance of BB. Lootegi tumhari jeb aise, shareer se khoon choosta hai leech jaise. Wuhahaha! ;->

E. Important
Drop your queries in the 'Comments' section.

***GOOD LUCK***
Vote for me now!

Jun 27, 2011

Muck And Sharvari

A story I wrote some years back, which I am posting thanks to Mehr's urges.

Sharvari was a beautiful child. At the age of eight she had everything going for her. Loving parents, adoring teachers, seven best friends, dozens of toys, a yellow bicycle (yellow was her favourite colour), cute dresses, posters of power-puff girls and Muck, who was the world’s best puppy. There you go; we have all the ingredients to make a happy eight-year-old. Sugar and spice, and everything nice (without the chemical X).

Sharvari was five when Muck had been given to her. Oh, that moment when she saw him for the very first time, she can never ever forget it. A golden carpet of fur, eyes the colour of chocolate milk. He had a wet nose that was very soft. When she had touched his nose she had squealed, “Eewh! Poor baby, you’ve got cold”, and when she had measured him with her six-inch ruler, she had exclaimed, “Mom, look, he is as tall as my roo-laar!”

Five minutes later, she was a wiser child. Mum had explained it all to her. “No child, Muck does not have cold at all. All dogs have wet noses.”

“Why” she asked.

“Um, that’s because, well, dogs just love their noses. And so they keep ’em wet so that it shines and is clean all the time.”

“Ohhh! But why is he so small? He isn’t even bigger than my roo-laar.”

“Oh child. Muck is a puppy, a baby. He’ll grow tall as he grows older.”

So no longer worried, Sharvari set about being friends with him. And so strong was their bond that they ended up being the best of friends. Inseparable, they were like peas in a pod. On the door of Sharvari’s room, “Sharvari” was inscribed in big, elegant handwriting. And beneath it you could spot in innocent childish letters the words “and Muck”. That’s not all, Sharvari had also drawn a trophy with her crayons next to Muck’s name. And the trophy proudly proclaimed “World’s best puppy”. Sharvari’s parents were really cool too. They did not raise a hell when they saw the beautiful teak door stained with crayons and markers. They had rather smiled with joy. “Look, how beautifully she writes!” they had gushed.

Both started growing, together beautifully and beautifully together.

Then one day Sharvari died. In a bomb blast.

She had gone to the main market with a friend to get candies. Mum and dad were home. And Muck was busy digging in the backyard. Sharvari had gone never to return again. The only consolation that Sharvari’s parents had was that their dear, dear child had died with sweets in her mouth.

As soon as they had seen the news on TV, Sharvari’s parents had rushed like a storm to the deceased place. Frantically searching, tears blinding their eyes, throats going sour from shouting. An hour passed, no sign of their daughter. After another two hours, outside the burnt toy shop, Sharvari’s father caught a glance of a red shoe. Yes, it did belong to Sharvari. A great wave of sorrow passed over the father. The unspeakable had come true. The shoe was filled by a tiny plump leg, there was but no accompanying body. A shriek escaped him, and the mother was alarmed. She followed his gaze and she saw what she was praying so hard not to see. Her child in front of her, lying there all alone in pieces on the dirty ground, while she was still there, alive and complete, breathing shamelessly and showing all signs of life.

She broke down. Tears of such intensity that you would have never seen before. Both husband and wife, clinging on to each other, letting the sorrow of their heart wash over them.

After a while that seemed like an eternity, they held themselves together and went over to where their daughter lay. They found the rest of the body some thirty feet from the shoe.

The face all covered with precious blood. And she was wearing the t-shirt that featured Buttercup on it, her favourite of all three power-puff girls. One small hand was holding the lollipop that was still in her mouth. In the other hand, the parents found clutched, a packet of colourful candies and an anniversary card. It was their anniversary tomorrow, which they would now on have to celebrate without their daughter.

For the parents, the world had fallen apart. As far as Muck, he just didn’t know what was going on. On the first day that the terrible news had come, Muck saw the parent’s crying inconsolably all day long. Unlike other deaths, there were no visitors offering sympathy for this insignificant death, because they themselves had suffered great irreparable losses.

Muck could sense a very sad wave throughout the house. So strong, he could almost touch it. And Muck was very worried. He was longing to play with Sharvari. It had been so long and she was not back yet. Maybe she’d been sleeping over at some friend’s. Thinking so, he consoled himself and waited.

On the second day, he was almost running out of patience. It was like he would just burst with anxiety. Usually Sharvari would come running early morning whenever she would sleep over. But today was different. No running Sharvari, and now no newspaper boy to chase after. His wet soft nose could sniff that something was wrong.

By afternoon, he had no more strength to wait any longer. He did not even eat his food. He promised himself, he would throw Sharvari a lot of attitude when she would come back.

In the evening he went over to the main gate and sat there. Waiting for Sharvari so that they could go to the park to play, just like every day. But today was different.

When it was half past seven, he went inside “their” room and brought Sharvari’s school bag in his mouth to the dining table, so that “they” could do homework together, just like everyday. But today was different.

On the third day, he realized that Sharvari had gone, gone forever. To an eternal pajama party that would never end. And finally he realized that the great wave of sorrow that was flowing throughout the house, seeping into the chairs and the chocolate milk, and the tables and the cycles, and the things that breathed and the things that did not, that great wave that was seeping into everything, it was actually the wave of death. He could finally see it; it was of the colour red.

On the seventh day, Muck too died. Out of starvation. I did not tell you before, but he was in the habit of eating only when Sharvari would give him food. No matter how hard the parents would try, they could not get him to eat. And the days that had remained to him, he had spent sitting besides Sharvari’s bed because it had still held her smell.

He was buried next to a pieced-out Sharvari.

The word Sharvari means night. Sharvari, true to her name, had been lost in the darkness of the pitch black night. Muck means dirt. Muck too had been reduced to a pile of dirt. Like mud, after being swept away by a cruel broom, seeming like it had never been there at all.

( It’s a tribute to all those who lost their loved ones and themselves too in sudden explosions of inhumanity, thanks to those who do not realize that God isn’t pleased.)

Untill later, Cuidate!

Vote for me now!

Jun 9, 2011

Getting Better With Time

The Summer of 2003...




And then, the summer of 2011...



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Untill later, Cuidate!


Vote for me now! Blogomania 2012 presented by watchkart.com - India"s leading online store

Jun 7, 2011

Daffodils

For you, who admires it :)

I wandered lonely as a Cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and Hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden Daffodils;
Beside the Lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:-
A Poet could not but be gay
In such a jocund company:
I gazed---and gazed---but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude,
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the Daffodils.

- William Wordsworth

May 9, 2011

Soulmate

She was gloomy; "I miss you a lot", she pleaded
He smiled; "I love you even more", he conceded
"It is too difficult, my patience runs out"
"You keep me going, my love, don't back down"
"I am not as strong, I try my best"
"You are my support, the source of my strength"
"I do not know how to express my love"
"I read it in your eyes, my love"
"I miss your voice, your sound in my ears"
"To you my loving whispers the wind bears"
"Why stay away, look at the world with me"
"Your beautiful eyes will tell me all that has to be"
She said, "Come, my love, sit for a while with me"
"I will stand and watch your back", said he
"In a crowd I stand, and yet all alone"
"Feel my hand clasp yours, I'm your very own"
"Your face lingers in my eyes, why pain me so"
"You live in my heart, the same pain pulls me low"
"Rains remind me of you, like the boon of a seer"
"The raindrop resting on your lips is my elixir"
"It is so painful, for you my heart winces"
"Together we'll pull this off, my princess"
"I want you back, please, back right now"
"A little while more, and then to you my eternity I vow"

"You're far and yet so near...
I can wait forever, what are a few years"
"You are always around to renew me
You are my rock," said she

"All that it takes to be yours;
You are my soulmate", said he.


Vote for me now!

May 8, 2011